With Thanksgiving coming up at the end of this week and all the holiday celebrations that occur at the end of December, you might find your stress levels starting to rise. So what strategies can you use to make the holidays a more comfortable experience for everyone?  Try some of these tried and true techniques.

• Stay away from the touchy subjects.  If there isn’t a compelling reason for you to share your political beliefs with all the relatives, then don’t do it.  Likewise, if someone tries to share them with you, don’t take the bait.
• Ask yourself whether you would rather be right or would rather be kind. Work extra hard to choose kindness.
• Consider what kind of holiday you wish to have.  Imagine what success looks like and then develop a plan for achieving it.
• Lighten up.  Tight quarters, a couple glasses of holiday cheer, and family history often combine to create a tense situation.  You might not be able to control what happens, but you can control your reaction.  Take it as it is.  Enjoy yourself.
• Manage your stress.  If things start getting under your skin, it might be a perfect time for a walk outside in order to decompress a bit.  Get a good night’s rest and go easy on all the eating and drinking.  You’ll feel better and be better able to cope with what comes your way.
• Set your expectations appropriately.  You know how these gatherings often turn out.  Thinking it’s going to be different this year is probably a mistake.  Believing it’s going to turn out like a Hallmark made-for-TV movie will lead to disappointment.

Happy holidays everyone.  Enjoy your celebrations.

Photo by StarMama

Once a friend interviewed me for a school project. His assignment was to talk with someone who was self-employed. My answers to his questions were supposed to help him understand the world of an entrepreneur. An unintended consequence was that in considering my responses to him, I gained new insights about myself.

At the end of the interview, he asked me what I’ve learned from being out on my own. I wanted to provide him with something important and meaningful, perhaps even profound. At first, all I could come up with was nuts and bolts things that most people quickly figure out after going into business for themselves. And then an idea began taking shape in the back of my mind. It grew clearer and clearer until finally I could share it with him.

I told him I learned to create my own definition of success. For me this had been difficult to do because I had focused on traditional success stories that I read the success stories in business publications. The definitions were pretty consistent. The successful business person…

• Works hard and long.
• Grows the business aggressively.
• Makes sacrifices and does “whatever it takes.”
• Has single-minded determination.

The problem with this list was that it didn’t fit my values. This left me with two choices: Accept failure or create my own definition. I chose the latter. It’s a work in progress, but I believe my success is defined something like this…

• Add value.
• Enjoy what I do.
• Keep learning and growing.
• Stay healthy.
• Be a positive influence on those around me.

While this list will likely continue to change, one thing will not. Whatever I put on it will be my idea of success and not someone else’s.

Most people know the old joke about the dangers of making assumptions. And yet we make them every single day.

Here’s a little test. Ask yourself the question “What do I know about my organization?” Now quickly list the first 10 things that come to mind. For each item on the list ask yourself, “How do I know this?” If you can’t answer this question, you are dealing with an assumption that may or may not be true.

Checking out every single assumption would grind life to a screeching halt. Not evaluating any assumptions will lead to many poor decisions.

In our work lives, there has to be a happy middle ground. There are probably some key assumptions that drive your business. Do you know what they are? Have you checked them out lately? If not, consider just one of the most critical assumptions on which your business is based. Imagine a scenario in which the assumption isn’t true. How does the world look now?

Was I productive today?

Imagine reflecting upon that simple question at the end of each day and then making adjustments to affect the next day’s outcome.

Most of us will typically answer the question “Yes” if we equate productivity with being busy. Whether we are truly busy or not, people get so used to telling others how busy they are that they end up convincing themselves of the same thing.

But what if we equate productivity with making significant progress towards meaningful goals? When that’s the definition of productive, it usually is much harder to answer the question “Yes.”

Now for the hard work.  On those days that you find yourself answering “No,” it’s time to do some problem solving. Figure out why you didn’t do what you had wanted to do. Take responsibility for that which was within your control. Accept that which was not within your control. Figure out what changes you need to make tomorrow. Find the courage to make the change.

It’s as simple as that. Start with the question, and be honest with the way you answer it. No need to beat yourself up if it’s the wrong answer. Accept that it is what it is and move forward.

1. The pay is pretty good.
2. The benefits are great.
3. It’s close to home.
4. I’m too old to make a change.
5. The economy’s bad, so I should just be lucky to have a job.
6. It’s probably the same anywhere else I might go.
7. I am up to four weeks of vacation.
8. The seniority I’ve gained will protect me from layoffs.
9. I’m not sure what else I should do.
10. It’s been so long since I’ve looked for work, I’m not sure how to do it.
11. I understand the place I’m working at, so it’s easy for me.
12. I may be bored, but I’m comfortable.
13. My family would go crazy if I took a risk and left.
14. {Fill in your favorite excuse here}

Sometimes the reasons we stay are valid and important. Sometimes they are not. There is no sadder tale then that of the worker who’s stayed in a job he’s hated for decades because for reasons that were not true. Imagine all those days, weeks, and months of disappointment, frustration, or boredom. Consider all the co-workers and family members who were affected by this person’s frustration.

When challenged about their lack of action, the person will almost always claim that he didn’t have a choice in the matter. He was stuck. Who believes that? I sure don’t.

Usually the truth is that there were options. The problem was not the lack of choice, but rather the consequences associated with those choices. Some of them can be unpleasant.

The next time you feel like you are stuck and have no choices, go ahead and compile a list of the potentially bad consequences from taking action. But while you are at it,  make a list of the potentially good consequences that may result from your action. And if you need one more thing to throw into the mix, consider the bad consequences associated with doing nothing. These you should be familiar with, since you are already experiencing them.

There are always choices. The right decision involves giving all options a fair evaluation, and then having the courage to choose that which makes the most sense.

Now today I stumble upon the idea of challenges as gifts in our lives.  Hmmm, interesting.  It’s not about what challenges we face within our lives, but rather it’s all about how we see them and what we do with them.

What is the purpose of challenges and difficulties in your life?  What opportunities do they present to you?  The more I think about it, the better I like these questions.

All of us have those moments in life when we are stuck.  We have fallen out of the groove, lost our way, and find ourselves going nowhere fast.  So how do you get back on track?

I found 16 tips written by Leo Babauta that strike me as pretty useful.  Perhaps you’ll like them too.  Here they are as written by Leo, shared with his permission.

1. One Goal. Whenever I’ve been in a slump, I’ve discovered that it’s often because I have too much going on in my life. I’m trying to do too much. And it saps my energy and motivation. It’s probably the most common mistake that people make: they try to take on too much, try to accomplish too many goals at once. You cannot maintain energy and focus (the two most important things in accomplishing a goal) if you are trying to do two or more goals at once. It’s not possible — I’ve tried it many times. You have to choose one goal, for now, and focus on it completely. I know, that’s hard. Still, I speak from experience. You can always do your other goals when you’ve accomplished your One Goal.
2. Find inspiration. Inspiration, for me, comes from others who have achieved what I want to achieve, or who are currently doing it. I read other blogs, books, magazines. I Google my goal, and read success stories.
3. Get excited. This sounds obvious, but most people don’t think about it much: if you want to break out of a slump, get yourself excited about a goal. But how can you do that when you don’t feel motivated? Well, it starts with inspiration from others (see above), but you have to take that excitement and build on it. For me, I’ve learned that by talking to my wife about it, and to others, and reading as much about it as possible, and visualizing what it would be like to be successful (seeing the benefits of the goal in my head), I get excited about a goal. Once I’ve done that, it’s just a matter of carrying that energy forward and keeping it going.
4. Build anticipation. This will sound hard, and many people will skip this tip. But it really works. It helped me quit smoking after many failed attempts. If you find inspiration and want to do a goal, don’t start right away. Many of us will get excited and want to start today. That’s a mistake. Set a date in the future — a week or two, or even a month — and make that your Start Date. Mark it on the calendar. Get excited about that date. Make it the most important date in your life. In the meantime, start writing out a plan. And do some of the steps below. Because by delaying your start, you are building anticipation, and increasing your focus and energy for your goal.
5. Post your goal. Print out your goal in big words. Make your goal just a few words long, like a mantra, and post it on your wall or refrigerator. Post it at home and work. Put it on your computer desktop. You want to have big reminders about your goal, to keep your focus and keep your excitement going. A picture of your goal also helps.
6. Commit publicly. None of us likes to look bad in front of others. We will go the extra mile to do something we’ve said publicly. For example, when I wanted to run my first marathon, I started writing a column about it in my local daily newspaper. The entire island of Guam (pop. 160K) knew about my goal. I couldn’t back down, and even though my motivation came and went, I stuck with it and completed it. Now, you don’t have to commit to your goal in your daily newspaper, but you can do it with friends and family and co-workers, and you can do it on your blog if you have one. And hold yourself accountable — don’t just commit once, but commit to giving progress updates to everyone every week or so.
7. Think about it daily. If you think about your goal every day, it is much more likely to become true. To this end, posting the goal on your wall or computer desktop (as mentioned above) helps a lot. Sending yourself daily reminders also helps. And if you can commit to doing one small thing to further your goal (even just 5 minutes) every single day, your goal will almost certainly come true.
8. Get support. It’s hard to accomplish something alone. When I decided to run my marathon, I had the help of friends and family, and I had a great running community on Guam who encouraged me at 5K races and did long runs with me. When I decided to quit smoking, I joined an online forum and that helped tremendously. And of course, my wife Eva helped every step of the way. I couldn’t have done these goals without her, or without the others who supported me. Find your support network, either in the real world or online, or both.
9. Realize that there’s an ebb and flow. Motivation is not a constant thing that is always there for you. It comes and goes, and comes and goes again, like the tide. But realize that while it may go away, it doesn’t do so permanently. It will come back. Just stick it out and wait for that motivation to come back. In the meantime, read about your goal (see below), ask for help (see below), and do some of the other things listed here until your motivation comes back.
10. Stick with it. Whatever you do, don’t give up. Even if you aren’t feeling any motivation today, or this week, don’t give up. Again, that motivation will come back. Think of your goal as a long journey, and your slump is just a little bump in the road. You can’t give up with every little bump. Stay with it for the long term, ride out the ebbs and surf on the flows, and you’ll get there.
11. Start small. Really small. If you are having a hard time getting started, it may be because you’re thinking too big. If you want to exercise, for example, you may be thinking that you have to do these intense workouts 5 days a week. No — instead, do small, tiny, baby steps. Just do 2 minutes of exercise. I know, that sounds wimpy. But it works. Commit to 2 minutes of exercise for one week. You may want to do more, but just stick to 2 minutes. It’s so easy, you can’t fail. Do it at the same time, every day. Just some crunches, 2 pushups, and some jogging in place. Once you’ve done 2 minutes a day for a week, increase it to 5, and stick with that for a week. In a month, you’ll be doing 15-20. Want to wake up early? Don’t think about waking at 5 a.m. Instead, think about waking 10 minutes earlier for a week. That’s all. Once you’ve done that, wake 10 minutes earlier than that. Baby steps.
12. Build on small successes. Again, if you start small for a week, you’re going to be successful. You can’t fail if you start with something ridiculously easy. Who can’t exercise for 2 minutes? (If that’s you, I apologize.) And you’ll feel successful, and good about yourself. Take that successful feeling and build on it, with another baby step. Add 2-3 minutes to your exercise routine, for example. With each step (and each step should last about a week), you will feel even more successful. Make each step really, really small, and you won’t fail. After a couple of months, your tiny steps will add up to a lot of progress and a lot of success.
13. Read about it daily. When I lose motivation, I just read a book or blog about my goal. It inspires me and reinvigorates me. For some reason, reading helps motivate and focus you on whatever you’re reading about. So read about your goal every day, if you can, especially when you’re not feeling motivated.
14. Call for help when your motivation ebbs. Having trouble? Ask for help. Join an online forum. Get a partner to join you. Call your mom. It doesn’t matter who, just tell them your problems, and talking about it will help. Ask them for advice. Ask them to help you overcome your slump. It works.
15. Think about the benefits, not the difficulties. One common problem is that we think about how hard something is. Exercise sounds so hard! Just thinking about it makes you tired. But instead of thinking about how hard something is, think about what you will get out of it. For example, instead of thinking about how tiring exercise can be, focus on how good you’ll feel when you’re done, and how you’ll be healthier and slimmer over the long run. The benefits of something will help energize you.
16. Squash negative thoughts; replace them with positive ones. Along those lines, it’s important to start monitoring your thoughts. Recognize negative self-talk, which is really what’s causing your slump. Just spend a few days becoming aware of every negative thought. Then, after a few days, try squashing those negative thoughts like a bug, and then replacing them with a corresponding positive thought. Squash, “This is too hard!” and replace it with, “I can do this! If that wimp Leo can do it, so can I!” It sounds corny, but it works. Really.

Photo by Rolandave Bola

Last fall my wife suggested we join the YMCA.  When I asked how it would help, since we already had a treadmill, she told me they had group fitness classes we could take together.  I decided to go along and give it a try.

In a group, I now find myself getting my heart pumping and the sweat flowing during cycling and step classes.  I’m well past the point of being sore from the group weight-lifting classes we attend twice a week.  And every now and then, I even find myself in a group yoga/tai chi hybrid class, working on my flexibility.

For me, it really helps to be surrounded by people engaged in the same activity.  I want to keep up with the group.  It also helps to have an instructor providing inspiration and encouragement.

If teamwork can finally get me raising my heart rate and sweating, two things I previously hated doing, just imagine what it can do for you.