The second, while typically louder and nastier, is actually easier to deal with. The reason is that you have lots of people who don’t appreciate the behavior. There is strength in numbers. If collectively the group provides the bully with unpleasant consequences, the person may decide that the bullying behaviors aren’t working and try something new (and hopefully less nasty).

The first is the bigger problem. If you are on the receiving end and are the sole target for the bad behavior, you may feel more vulnerable to attack. In these cases, you have three actions you can take in the following sequence.

1. Talk to the bully. Be direct and respectful. Describe the behavior. State clearly that you don’t like it and that you want the behavior to stop. Hopefully for many people who weren’t completely aware how their actions were affecting you, this conversation might be enough to stop the behavior. As an option, you could add a final component to your message. And this would be stating what action you will take next if it doesn’t stop.
2. Report the behavior. If the person is too scary to confront or you have already done so without a positive result, it’s time to tell someone who can help you. In most cases, discussing the matter with your supervisor is the logical first step. Alternatives include an HR rep, union rep, or another trusted manager. It usually helps to have details about the behavior: What, when, how often, impacts, etc. This sort of documentation makes it easier for them to take action on your behalf.
3. Remove yourself from the situation. Sometimes the person just won’t stop the bullying. And in some of those cases, people aren’t able or willing to help you. It’s then that finding a way out becomes a viable last resort. This could mean asking for another assignment or to be physically moved to a work location that’s farther from the bully. It could mean transferring to another department. If all else fails, it could mean looking for work in another organization.

Bullies do a tremendous amount of damage. Typically they won’t change their behavior without some sort of intervention. If you are on the receiving end of this bad behavior, it’s up to you to get the ball rolling.

So what needs to happen to bring everyone together as a team to deliver outstanding health care services? While there are many things that could help, here are five I would hope everyone involved would at least consider.

1. Celebrate together. While everyone probably has mixed feelings about what was won and what was lost, there is one thing everyone can be happy about. The two parties reached an agreement and avoided a strike. Nobody wins in a strike, and it seemed like a foregone conclusion that one was going to occur. Because of the willingness of both sides to compromise, everybody’s going to remain on the job.
2. Make amends. In the heat of negotiations, both sides probably did and said things collectively and individually that were neither fair nor respectful. All should take time to examine their behaviors over the last months, think about who they’ve wronged and apologize.
3. Forgive. While it’s unfortunate that bad things occur, that’s just what happens in disputes. People aren’t on their best behavior. If someone seeks your forgiveness, grant it. Better yet, release any anger you have towards employees, employers, co-workers, administrators, the media, the public, the union, replacements, and anyone else that made your blood boil. While it’s easy to dwell on what they did, one needs to ask how it helps to hold on to the anger. It will only make you and others around you miserable.
4. Change the focus. If everyone is to move forward together, there needs to be a positive and compelling vision. There currently seems to be a lot of energy around the idea of providing excellent patient care. Clarify that vision and put people to work on figuring out how to make that happen. Both sides agreed to do so through the committee process. Crank up those teams and and start making positive changes.
5. Patience. Finally, give it some time. All will need time to work through their emotions and what they want moving forward. Some will quickly process this. Others will need much more time. Just let the wounds heal naturally.

The easiest thing to do would be to go back to business as usual and pretend none of this ever happened. The problem is that it did. And in the course of trying to resolve the dispute, some damage was done. Ignoring problems rarely makes things better. Each person needs to do what he or she can to repair what got broken.

Previous articles on hospital/nurse dispute.

• Keep the Negotiations Healthy
• Hospital Employees
• Us and Them is Bad for Teamwork
• Common Ground
• The Atmosphere after an Agreement is Reached

• Most people want to do good work.
• Everyone wants to be treated respectfully.
• When either of the above are not being met, stress and frustration rises.
• When there are troubles, people have a hard time seeing their own contribution to the problem and shift blame away from themselves.

I also know the parties have what they need to resolve this dispute. The nurses know a lot about taking care of patients. Hospital administrators know a lot about running a successful enterprise. They both have a piece of the solution. They just need to figure out how to combine what they both bring to the table. Regardless of what one side says, everyone has or is representing important interests in these negotiations.

The strong differences of opinion aren’t that big of a deal. What does worry me are the accusations, name-calling, threats, and spinning of the “facts”. While this is a business contract that is being negotiated, it’s getting personal. The lack of respect is damaging relationships.

In my experience most of what I’m hearing and reading just doesn’t ring true. Nurses aren’t “Greedy.” They just want to do good work in a safe environment and be fairly paid for their efforts. Hospital administrators aren’t “Evil.” They just want to see things run smoothly and be good stewards of the resources entrusted to them. People who cross the line aren’t “Selfish.” They are doing what they think is best in what everyone would agree is a tough situation.

One day this will be resolved. Since this is being played as a win-lose negotiation, it means that one side is going to feel as if they lost. Win or lose, there will still be hospitals in the Twin Cities. They will still be staffed by nurses. My hope is that at the end of the day, they are still good places to earn a living while contributing to the health of our communities. What people do now and during any strike that may occur will have long-term consequences. The contract terms will be in effect for three years. The damage to relationships may last forever.

A resolution in the dispute between Twin Cities’ hospitals and the Minnesota Nurses Association will more likely be found if the parties start seeing themselves as a part of a united whole. Regardless of the role they play, they are all hospital employees. If they could just see that they are on the same team, they could then stop zinging each other in the PR wars and start working on the tough questions that need to be addressed through negotiations.

• How do we best ensure we have enough qualified staff members on duty to handle the ever-changing and unpredictable patient load?
• How do we fairly compensate nurses?
• What’s an appropriate and competitive way to deal with nurses pensions?
• How do we maintain our flexibility so that we can address changes as they arise?
• How do we keep costs where they need to be to remain financially viable?

A strike date has been set. The clock is ticking. Put on the thinking caps, and start working together to answer these questions. Who knows, if the parties stop the posturing and start collaborating, they just might come up with something amazingly cool.

Photo by SarahMcD ॐ

Over the years I’ve had some bad bosses and plenty of good ones, but have never once thought of management as some sort of unified force of evil. And as a supervisor, I’ve dealt with cranky, under-performing employees, but never clumped them all together.

For me a workplace is made up of people, all individuals who just happen to play different roles. While these roles have different levels of authority associated with them and people aren’t all paid the same, everyone in the organization has value.

This is why it is frustrating to watch the dispute between Twin Cities’ hospitals and the Minnesota Nurses Association. It has become such an “Us vs. Them” battle. Whether I’m listening to the spokesperson for the hospitals or reading the posts and comments on MNA’s Facebook page, it is clear that the parties do not see themselves as being on the same side.

A hospital is a complicated system of processes and roles. Teamwork is essential for it to work. At the core of every successful team are the elements of trust and mutual respect. Based on the public war that these two groups are engaged in, those elements aren’t present. The question is whether or not it can be restored once an agreement is reached. For the sake of patients and everyone who earns a living working in a hospital, I certainly hope so.

When helping people through conflict, the parties often focus too much energy on their differences. Each presents its side and then does all it can to prove its case. In the hospitals/nurses dispute, they have stopped talking with each other and instead are appealing to the public in order to win sympathy for their respective positions. This competitive approach leads to winners and losers. It consumes huge amounts of time and energy. It destroys relationships.

So what’s the alternative? Working together so that everyone wins. The process starts by identifying common ground and building from there. It focuses on creating understanding of everyone’s wants and needs. The goal isn’t winning, but rather finding agreement. The nurses and hospitals might consider working from three powerful interests that they share.

1. Patient Safety. If hospitals did not care about patient safety, they would be working against their own interests. Not taking proper care of patients is bad for business. Horror stories travel fast and aren’t easily forgotten. People with a choice will not choose a hospital that they don’t trust. When something really bad happens, there will be lawsuits. Patients will die. Revenues will sink. A lower census will mean fewer nurses needed. A focus on patient safety is clearly in everyone’s best interest.
2. Employee Satisfaction. A variety of factors determine whether or not you like your job: The work itself, co-workers, pay and benefits, work rules and procedures, relationship with manager, and feelings about the employer are some of the most important ones. Nurses want to be happy at work, just like any employee. But why is this in the hospitals’ interest as well? Because satisfied employees work harder, provide higher quality care, and engage in creating a better enterprise. This also impacts the hospital’s ability to recruit great nurses. Word about working conditions at a hospital will find its way to prospective recruits. Nurses will choose to work in the hospitals about which they hear good things. For a hospital with a bad reputation, recruiting costs will spiral out of control.
3. Financial Health. This one is simple. If the hospital doesn’t stay on the right side of financial health, it doesn’t survive. This would be bad for managers, employees and the community. Now there can be some debate about what it means to be financially healthy, but there can be no reasonable debate about whether the hospital needs to consistently meet its financial obligations and have some left over to invest in the future.

So where do the two sides go from here? First, stop doing the things that create more animosity. Accusing the other side of being bad doesn’t help. Trying to get the public to take sides also doesn’t help.

Next, practice cooperative negotiation by beginning with common interests. Frame the issues neutrally and fairly. Share ideas and why they are important. Share concerns and why they matter. Listen so that each side feels heard and understood. Expand the discussion by considering a wide range of new possibilities, rather than hunkering down on the original positions. Be open to trying something new. Regardless of what the negotiators decide, it’s not forever. If it doesn’t work out, you’ll all be back at the bargaining table in just a few short years from now. Throughout the process, treat each other with respect and kindness like the co-workers (managers and nurses) that you are.

The process is hard, but not impossible. People and organizations discover solutions to tough problems every day. One will be found here as well. Just remember to pursue the right question. It’s not, “How do we prove our case?” Rather it is “How can we work together to make sure we meet our mutual interests?”

Photo by MilitaryHealth

As both sides have dug in, I’ve been left with a question that I’ve been trying to answer: “When all is said and done and a new contract has been signed, how will the hospitals ever create a productive and harmonious working environment?” There has been plenty of ill-will built up between managers and nurses. After the strike, those who walked the line will be mad at those that did not honor that line. These feelings of anger, mistrust, and resentment could linger for years.

At this moment, it’s hard to see what will bring the two sides together, but I am certain about the behaviors that will pull them further apart. Reading opinions from both sides, I’ve seen plenty of the following:

• Stating that your side owns the truth.
• Asking people to take sides.
• Taking a “You’re either with us or against us” stance.
• Instilling fear through the use of scare tactics.
• Name-calling and bullying.
• Believing that the other side is wrong or evil.
• Treating the other side as your enemy.
• Assuming you understand why others make the choices that they do.
• Cherry-picking facts that support your arguments.
• Not considering the interests of the other party.
• Being purposely disrespectful.

I’ve always been about helping employees (and that means managers too) work effectively together. Eventually this thing will be settled. Regardless of who wins on the major points of contention, one things is certain; the people who continue working at these hospitals will need to spend a lot of time around the people with whom they currently disagree. Fixing one thing only to permanently destroy the atmosphere doesn’t seem like a good trade-off.

If there was ever a time to crank up the empathy, respect, and problem-solving creativity; it is now. Let’s minimize the potential for long-term damage by staying focused on resolving the dispute, rather than creating enemies.

When teams struggle, it’s often a result of relationship problems. And the source of those interpersonal troubles? Faulty assumptions.

Imagine one of your coworkers saying or doing something, and suddenly you are all bent out of shape about it. When asked why you are so mad, you’ll probably describe the incident in great detail. Included in your description will be the other person’s intentions, motivations, attitudes, feelings, or values. You aren’t mad about what the person did. You’re mad about what the person intended. And here’s the thing. You don’t know what that person was thinking or feeling. Your anger is based on an assumption.

To keep relationships on a solid footing, begin by catching yourself and others making assumptions that may not be true. If a friend comes to you complaining about a co-worker’s lack of effort and says something like, “She knows that I’ll do whatever she doesn’t do. She’s totally taking advantage of me.” You might gently ask the question, “How do you know that to be true?” You might also suggest other possibilities such as:

• Co-worker did more than you were personally aware of.
• Co-worker was tired and knowingly coasted a bit, but never had a clue how it might affect you or others.
• Co-worker wasn’t aware of everything that needed to be done and thought all was right with the world.

Unconfirmed assumptions can unnecessarily tear people apart. Strained relationships will undoubtedly reduce the team’s effectiveness. The secret is as simple as recognizing what you don’t know and confirming before you draw conclusions.

“What if it’s hard” asked a recent team-building workshop participant after we had just completed an exercise about working with people who have styles quite different than our own. At the time I thought he might be joking, even though his face suggested he was being quite serious. So I tackled his question straight up.

First up, agree with the premise of his question. It is hard. People who are different from us challenge our values and beliefs. They force us into doing things that aren’t comfortable. They somehow manage to push our hot-buttons; leaving us frustrated, angry, and exhausted.

With that out of the way, I decided to make the case for why it is worth the effort. Here’s what I came up with. If you can add to the list, please do so in the comments.

• Reciprocity. If we go out of our way to accommodate others, perhaps they’ll one day return the favor. And if we don’t see ourselves as being difficult for some of the people we work with, well then it’s time to develop some self-awareness.
• Learning. When people force us out of our comfort zone, we can’t help but learn something about them and ourselves in the process.
• Results. Let’s assume for a minute that we don’t always know the right thing to do, nor do we always know the best way for doing it. Mixing it up with people who are different from us helps us discover new and often better approaches. Together we are able to more effectively solve problems than we could have on our own.
• Necessity. Finally it all comes down to this. We live and work together. We are social beings. For most of us, we aren’t financially in a position to pull out of our jobs or society and live in isolation. With this reality as a backdrop, what choice do we have?

Is is hard? Yep. Is it worth making the effort? Absolutely. Look around at the people with whom you work, especially the ones you don’t like. Now find a way to connect and succeed together.

When it comes to life at work, most people don’t like conflict. It makes them uncomfortable and increases their stress. If given a choice they will avoid it. What they don’t realize is that by trying to avoid it, they are only missing an opportunity to do something positive about it.

Here’s the organizational leader’s challenge. Help employees understand that the potential pay-offs of conflict are innovation, personal growth and stronger relationships. Prove to them that the rewards outweigh the costs.

One way of doing this is by making your expectations clear and modeling them through your actions. Develop, communicate, and reinforce a set of conflict standards that everyone can follow. Imagine the impact on your organization if these statements were true:

• We address problems immediately and directly.
• We understand others before trying to make them understand us.
• We balance being kind with being right.

Another way to stress the importance of resolving conflicts is to give people the skills they need for doing so. Put all employees through conflict management training upon joining the organization, and supplement with regular follow-up. Employees will feel more comfortable with conflict if they are confident in their ability to deal with it.

If you want an organization that effectively addresses conflict, you’ll need to begin by changing employee attitudes about it.