Passive-Aggressive Behaviors can be Stopped
There are plenty of difficult behaviors we have to deal with when working in a team environment. One that is particularly challenging is passive-aggressive behavior. Some common forms of this include:
- Sarcasm
- Backstabbing
- Subtle innuendo
- Jokes that are meant to hurt
- Gossiping
- Foot-dragging
- Eye-rolling
What makes these behaviors difficult is that the person doing them is hard to catch. They are slippery like a snake. That’s actually the whole purpose for the behavior, to make the point (usually anger or opposition) indirectly so that they don’t look like a bad person.
The next time someone pulls one of these on you, say these words, “What are you trying to say?” The person will likely deny any hidden message. This is when you come back with, “No, I think you are trying to tell me something. I’m just not sure I understand what it is. Please be more clear with me.”
With those two comments you’ve told the other person that you’ve caught them (they hate that), and you’ve invited them to communicate more assertively. Respond in this manner consistently and chances are some of the people who most often use passive-aggressive behaviors will go find another target, and maybe even change their methods.
I wish it was that easy when you’re emotionally involved with a PA. It’s not that the behavior can be stopped, your advice just moves them on to someone else. Not sure I would want to do that with a spouse. LOL.
Good point Lauri. Technically, my idea might not stop the behavior. I’m just hoping to slow it down a bit.