Tom LaForce

In a recent workshop on being an effective meeting participant, I was attempting to sell the idea that the leader isn’t the only person who can or should deal with bad behavior within a meeting. My belief is that all participants are equally responsible for the success or failure of a meeting and therefore all should be willing to step in and deal with problems.

At one point, someone told me that if he did what I was suggesting, the other person would not react well, and he would most likely have to deal with some pretty negative ramifications. I appreciated his concern. There have been many instances where I looked the other way instead of jumping in as I believed I should.

Here are three ideas for making it easier to take action and for making you more effective once you decide to do something.

• Consider the costs of doing nothing. We get so focused on the potential consequences of taking action, we forget to consider the consequences of inaction. To fairly evaluate the situation, it makes sense to consider both courses of action.
• Start out gently. There are many ways of dealing with bad behavior, some much more forceful than others. I believe in arranging your options in order of forcefulness and starting with the most gentle reminders first, escalating only if necessary. For example if two people are having constant side conversations, saying something to the whole group like “I really need everyone to hear what I’m about to say” is not nearly as forceful as saying “Joe and Andy, we’ve had numerous discussions about one person talking at a time. I find it very distracting to have the two of you chatting when we are trying to get through this agenda.”
• Focus on behaviors. As you are asking someone to change, make sure your focus remains on the behavior and not the person. You’ll get a far different reaction if you point out that someone’s always saying no to every proposal than if you tell the person that she shouldn’t be such a naysayer.